Test Me

I had a good test of my patience today in various ways.

First one was a haircut. This usually takes an hour, outside, alternating between standing up and sitting down. Sometimes I get feverish standing up so long and my knees lock, which is right before my blood pressure drips WAY too low and I faint. I managed not to, and had a lot of water. The cats were meandering around, meowing, it was windy and delicious.I thought of my friends. I always do when wind blows.I hope my hugs and love to them goes with the wind and finds them.

The other test was my Uncle Steve coming over. Well what bugs me about him is that he is the epitome of a human being wasting his life on NOTHING, limiting himself so much, he just stays in his apartment and watches television (the evil box) all day long. It's really sad ,he is such a funny and interesting person with a lot to share but he won't. So when I see that happening it irks me. And he irks me back. Last time I talked to him for a long time about at least volunteering, and I asked him briefly about it today.

"Oh, I don't volunteer" he said lackadaisically.

So I just let it rest.

I have so many more motives in myself from meditating and exploring Buddhism, also reading I Me Mine by George Harrison. And today when I was reading I Me Mine a verse from the I Ching was mentioned, I remembered Kevin's copy of it sitting a room away, so I started it! AGAIN.

The first time it didn't go so well. I thought it was about math being philosophized and theorized. But that was before I read The Soul of Rumi, and started actively meditating and pursuing Buddhism. It's totally different now, not repetitive at all.

Here are some great quotes

THE JUDGMENT

THE RECEPTIVE brings about sublime success,

Furthering through the perseverance of a mare.

IF the superior man undertakes something and tries

to lead,

He goes astray;

But if he follows, he finds guidance.

It is favorable to find friends in the west and south,

To forego friends in the east and north.

Quiet perseverance brings good fortune.

The four fundamental aspects of the Creative-"sublime success, furthering through perseverance"-are also attributed to the Receptive. Here, however, the perseverance is more closely defined: it is that of a mare. The Receptive connotes spatial reality in contrast to the spiritual potentiality of the Creative. The potential becomes real and the spiritual becomes spatial through a specifically qualifying definition.

Thus the qualification, "of a mare", is here added to the idea of perseverance. The horse belongs to earth just as the dragon belongs to heaven. Its tireless roaming over the plains is taken as a symbol of the vast expanse of the earth. This is the symbol chosen because the mare combines the strength and swiftness of the horse with the gentleness and devotion of the cow.

Nature creates all beings without erring: this is its straightness. It is calm and still: this is its foursquareness. It tolerates all creatures equally: this is its greatness. Therefore it attains what is right for all without artifice or special intentions. Man achieves the height of wisdom when all that he does is as self-evident as what nature does.

If a man is free of vanity he is able to conceal his abilities and keep them from attracting attention too soon; thus he can mature undisturbed. If conditions demand it, he can also enter public life, but that too he does with restraint. The wise man gladly leaves fame to others. He does not seek to have credited himself things that stand accomplished, but hopes to release active forces; that is, he completes his works in such a manner that they may bear fruit for the future.

I find so many answers and relief in these texts.

Eleanor Roosevelt

“There is an old proverb: “L’appetit vient en mangeant.” Translated into English I suppose the nearest we have is : ” The more you have, the more you want.” As we look over the world today, it looks to me as though human nature is living up to this proverb. The more we kill, the more casual we become about human life. We read our papers with a kind of detachment which I believe lies at the root of the continuance of many of the horrors of civilization. Planes flying over some place in Africa and killing many people seem to make no dent on our imagination. That some men in a different country assassinate certain officials of their government reads to the majority of us like a fairy tale. That a group of gangsters in our own country commit some terrible crime brings a little more interest, but not enough to galvanize any of us into real action. I suppose this apathy comes partly from the fact that we always feel that these things will happen to the other fellow but not to us, and as individuals we feel that our action or inaction will produce about the same result-nobody in authority will pay attention to what we think ! Until we free ourselves of this inferiority complex, which is nothing more than a comfortable alibi to sidestep responsibility, I do not see much more chance of improving conditions either at home or abroad. And yet the most powerful weapon that we have at our command today is public opinion. Statements quail before it and it could move mountains!”

—	Eleanor Roosevelt in My Day, February 28 1936

Purr Magic..dedicated to Grass and Nichole

now that you mention it Grass,they DO look a bit sacry
I blame the elves/faeries ALL the time myself!

Nichole and I cannot help it that we are faeries and encounter elves and unicorns!

waving sparkly wand

LOL Cats Time

this next one is dedicated to someone in particular....
if only my baptism had been as putrid

Final Finish and Rain Day

Listening to Evno's great show on KTUH,you can download it for free on itunes.

Anyway,PASSED that horrible Art History class.Means I got an A on the exam.See,meditation does help! along with obsessive studying.

Next semester shall tackle Socioloy,English Studies,Shakespeare and Art Historical Methodology. Whew!

Last night there was a blackout for 40 minutes.I was hoping it would last longer and then high school graduation wouldn't have electricity for their stupid lights and loudspeakers, but my prayers were not answered. Instead SUVS flooded the 'hood, cussing and hoochily dressed girls mooched around and lei sellers set up on corners.

I was determined to get my run in ,had been frustrated over various things all day and needed to get it in! So I suited up, and ran successfully around this and the other neighborhood for 40 minutes. On my way back I saw a huge Heinken bottle that had been sitting around for while.So I picked it up to put in the recycling.

As I was running back with it, I could feel my face get nice and red from circulation. I ran by a man, who yelled, "I told you not to drink and run!" haha got to love the jokesters!

Now just ANXIOUSLY waiting to hear from my little Grass. Looks like she will be bus dependent herself! Sorry Grass, no Ala Moana for me!

Let it rain rain rain for the next few days!

I Met An Orca!

well not the kind of Orca you are thinking of,which most people call a killer whale, which is a huge untrue stereotype to begin with!

I went for a 5:50 am walk to collect flowers to make a friend a lei for her graduation party today! I meandered sleepily, scouting puakenikeni trees. I got perhaps fifteen, because the recycling truck was going up and down the streets, people were awake and rushing them out. I don't feel right seizing flowers if the people are RIGHT there. Plus I had a plastic bag and it kept flapping in the wind, annoying me. That's one thing that has ALWAYS irked me, unnecessary sounds and noise, which people seem to excel at on this island.

But anywho, on my way back I was walking down the street adjacent to my street, and THE HUSKY was heading up the street! I ALWAYS miss the Husky because her walks are either really early or really late! But today I met her! She has BEAUTIFUL icy blue eyes, is so soft and friendly. Most people are afraid of Huskies , but when you have that fear the dog picks up on right away. So it's important to be calm around dogs. Her name is Orca, and I wanted to frolic with her and bury my head in her soft ruff.

I met Huskies once before, in San Francisco. Headed back from a crepe dinner, I spotted two gorgeous Huskies outside a cafe, watching their human companions through the glass eat dinner. They looked comfy and happy, and I couldn't resist myself that long! I scampered happily up to them, sat on my haunches and sniffed noses with them. We curiously exchanged scents and I happily petted their soft fur. It was love at first sight for me. I believe that Huskies are such intuitive,strong, vibrant and loving animals...THEY SHOULD NOT BE FOR SALE, THEY ARE NOT DISPOSABLE OBJECTS!

I am so glad to have met Orca.

Long Bloody Battle

I am proud to say that I finished with finals-but not finished forever like my friend Kamran.I am very jealous of him indeed.However it's important to not compare yourself to others, a mistake that our society totally ignores. I have been thinking more and more and realizing I cannot afford to be so lackadaisical with my life,my time,my efforts,my view of myself.I've only got one life here,for now, and to waste it being afraid of yourself and thus limiting yourself is so negative and totally wasteful,now that I come to think of it.

I just want to express that an graduate level art history class should not be disguised at an undergraduate level. And if the professor is justifiably caught up with his wife and new baby and not able to communicate or dedicate his time with students if they are having problems,he shouldn't be teaching. Take a semester off and be a father!

Daydreams of swimming in the silky thick water of Croatia, reconnecting with a very dear person who needs some self guidance and hope, weeding and picking numerous gardens, going to the full moon gathering.

But I have to realize that making part of the life is supporting yourself through work,which is an issue I've had for a while.I allowed my self esteem and stress levels to eclipse the fact that I need a steady job to support myself, that the more I've ignored it the more I've realized I cannot exist like that. Fear is the worst thing in our lives.

But on a positive note, I am tremendously excited to see my sassy lassy Boomba, have long talks,dance on beaches, perhaps even write a short adventure story together. Though she claims we don't know each other well, we are indeed quite similar.

Maloomba Boomba!

This Modern World

AHEM

The Trouble With Printers...

The Trouble With Printers and Mothers, a short one act play inspired by the trials and tribulations of a mother, a daughter, and a hell bent printer.

Takes place in cool unused room in a house in Hawai'i. Breezy in the humid afternoon.

Me sitting at computer scanning photo

mother sitting on bed, odd reversal of mother and daughter roles

me: " So do you want to print it on regular paper or do you have photo paper?"

mom: "Oh I think have the shiny paper..." runs off to find it

meanwhile the picture has scanned and I keep trying to rotate it so it will come out at a normal angle.

Excited mother returns with a huge folio of shiny kodak photo paper.

mom: "ok here it is!" starts putting paper on printer

me:" Wait,I think we have to find the special opening, maybe there's a way to put the paper in so that it knows it is for a photo"

mom:"It IS paper,why does it matter?"

me: "Well ok,let's try it your way and see what happens"

Puts photo paper in regular tray. Chooses icon to print photo.

mom: "WAIT, what size is the paper? I think you have to put that in too" (I am doing this already,flustered chicken mama)

Me,choosing correct measurements and all that blah blah,"ok it's printing"

We both anxiously watch as the printer transforms into a baby elephant having a nervous breakdown. Loud lurches,jolts, and mechanical noises reminiscent of the baby elephant's jaws attacking a mound of bamboo fill the room.

Meanwhile the photo paper is on the wrong tray. The printer tries to eat the photo paper, goes through some kind of digestion problem,stops,tries to eat it again,then finally makes the sound we are all familiar with.

mom: "I think something's wrong.."

me:" I think it had a heart attack" (laughter)

I look for correct tray for paper while the printer icon angrily shoots us a message that it is not on the right tray and what the hell is wrong with us. Pauses printer.

After finding correct tray, inserting paper in supposedly correct way, we wait again,our hands on our hearts.

Baby elephant printer gets to work again. The room is filled with the familiar jolts, rumblings, and other noises which are reminiscent of incontinent digestion symptoms.

But this time the photo is only a quarter printed,and on the wrong side.

me: "I HATE technology,it makes your life a lot harder."

mom: "Maybe if we put the paper the other way,it will print out."

Puts paper in right side up. Prints again.

We both stare at the photo,which has given a family picture an unusual orange hue to my sister's skin.

me:"How many more do you want?"

mom: "Well maybe we should just use the regular paper after all." At this absurdly simple resolution I am close to taking a hammer to the baby elephant aka printer and giving it a lesson in proper digestion.

So we print out five copies of four photos all on regular paper. The shiny photo paper,calm and glossy as a lake, is returned to my mother's cabinet of things she doesn't use but has bought anyway for some reason.

The End.

Study Break

Billy and Thor roughhousing ...
I am taking a much needed break from reading endless essays about Islam in South East Asia,metallurgy,Islamic influenced Chinese ceramics,and god knows what else...wanted to find something to make me laugh,so ferreted through many old sent emails and found this gem.Poor Thor was stuck between the louvers and the screen.Miss him SOOO!

Going to make a crepe dinner and already prepared bouquet of gardenias,bougainvilleas,puakenikeni for Mom.Most wonderful,loving woman ever!

The Trouble With Angels

I was just thinking of a film from the 1960s with Hayley Mills that I saw once.She is a tomboy rebel in a Catholic convent all girls boarding school.Rosalind Russell is the Mother Superior.Of course she gets into all kinds of mischief which I haven't: smoking,setting off fire alarms,accidentally letting a clay imprint of a girl get stuck on the victim's face...well I did get into trouble a few times at St.Francis.Incredibly innocent things: cutting science to hang out with my friends, faking a flu to get out of math,ditching a school field trip to Sea Life Park (rolling eyes right now) to go to the library and the beach.If there's one thing that gets on my nerves,it is hundreds of adolescents with hormones as high as kites.Nothing wrong that, just you have to really take a HUGE gulp of oxygen every 5 minutes to prevent yourself from slamming doors,incinerating cell phones and ipods, and shaking their heads to really find out if there is a brain inside there functioning.My sister was an incredibly difficult teenager to be around, I was the victim of all her rages and teasing.

Well I cannot remember what the point of this entry was,but oh well.

Carmen and Geoffrey

I saw a GREAT dvd documentary called Carmen and Geoffrey,which is about two dancers, Carmen de Lavallade and Geoffrey Holder. Carmen was born and raised in LA and Geoffrey in colonialist Trinidad.

JUST SEE IT! They are such amazing people and spirits,not to mention artists!

Knackered

I write this from a little humid shack in billowing sheets of vog. Vog is bad.Especially for vatas like me. I can't take my evening walks and runs,because then I ingest the vog even more and get sicker. Oh dear. Well the trade winds apparently will come to my rescue on Tuesday.

I have studying,organizing,cleaning all day.I went to the gentle yoga class, and I did get cardiovascular exercise by dancing for an hour to my favorite youtube videos. Indian and Hungarian music,also Russian Cossack, Yacht, what else? So I got that in. And now I am very tired my feet have gorgeous calluses from all that dancing the past week.

Time for dinner!