Saturday, February 27, 2010

Hope

Sending hopeful prayers to all in Chile
Does anyone else see all these recent natural disaster as some kind of a sign besides me? The wheel of this destructive age is spinning faster and faster,getting more and more momentum.

When you come back inside my chest,
no matter how far I've wandered off,
I look around and see the way.

At the end of my life, with just one breath
left, if you come then, I'll sit up and sing.

says Rumi.


There are people here who have evacuated with their dogs.I hope people are careful.The stupidest thing you could do in this situation is go the beach and watch for the waves.Tsunamis are not entertainment.
Meanwhile I am making Croatian style vegetables just in case we don't have power later on.Boiling potatoes and green beans, will cook some lentils too.
You can never be too careful.

A Brightening Floor

There is a soul spring that adds to
everyone's awareness. A Friend who

brings peace and healing silence to
death. I work for the kindness that

touches stone and pearl the same,
that sees a garden peacock equal with

the road raven. Form dissolves, but
wisdom remains. Your soul and your

loving mix with the mud of your body,
but they have their pleasures apart.

Shams steps into the room bringing
blessings-a brightening floor

and a star decorating the roof.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Rumi and me

I found a wonderful book in the library called The Soul of Rumi.Basically it has a short biography of him and his most touching,mystical and truthful pieces.They are so beautiful.Every time I read one, my heart feels like it created it.
Here are some favorites.

Amazed Mouth

The soul: a wide listening sky
with thousands of candles:when

anything is sold, soul gets given
in the cash:people waiting at a

door, a ladder leaning on a roof,
someone climbing down,the market

square bright with understanding.
Listening opens its amazed mouth.

~~~~~~~

No longer a stranger, you listen
all day to these crazy love words.

Like a bee you fill hundreds of homes with
honey, though yours is a long way from here.



Soul and the Old Woman

What is the soul? Consciousness.The more awareness,the
deeper the soul, and when

such essence overflows, you feel a sacredness around.It's
so simple to tell one who

puts on a robe and pretends to be a dervish from the real
thing.We know the taste

of pure water.Words can sound like a poem but not have
any juice,no flavor to

relish.How long do you look at pictures on a bathhouse
wall? Soul is what draws

you away from those pictures to talk with the old woman
who sits outside by the door

in the sun.She's half blind, but she has what soul loves
to flow into.She's kind;she weeps.

She makes quick personal decisions, and laughs so easily.



Feet Becoming Head

The sun came up differently today.
Souls move in the changing light.

Jupiter,the moon, the good luck
house we inhabit,the Friend,all

one presence today, this grand
health where we're servants to

each other. One who pours wine
and makes toasts arrives at the

banquet just as it's over:the
perfect beginning for ending,as

feet become head in this new way.


Sunday, February 21, 2010

Very Important Thing!



Reading the New York Times today,I was ECSTATIC to come across an article mentioning a possible list of new Monuments in the West-one of which is the San Juan Islands!!!! I really don't know why these beautiful islands aren't monuments of this country already.They are nearly untouched , with the exception of small towns such as Friday Harbor, Eastsound, and other small hamlets.What change has happened is very gradual.No franchised businesses are allowed ( such a shame that the developers of the Hawaiian islands have not heeded to this).People there are very friendly,involved in their communities, in touch with their fantastic natural surroundings and up to date with what is going on in the world.There is no suburbia or sprawl, you have to pay to dump your trash..in short, San Juan Islanders really know how to live and at the same time to keep the natural areas in which they reside intact.
The natural beauty is very stunning and comforting at the same time.Rocky cliffs and high hills swoop into natural meadows and clearings, blanketed in rich green trees.The water is a home to orca whales, otters, various fishes and the infamous bald eagle.The islands are in a nice spot in the water, close to Canada, but also far enough away from Vancouver and Seattle that you truly appreciate when you disembark from the ferry or plane.
Perhaps I am at a disadvantage for writing this praise, since my first time in San Juan was when I was in embryo and therefore have a very strong link to this amazing place.I grew up camping there, so sometimes my sense of proportion of the islands is a little on the short side.I can always recall waking up before everyone else and going for a walk down the road; our lot on the cul de sac dead end is really a blessing.I'd try to walk they way a deer did,moving one leg gradually at a time, hoping to spot a "fellow deer." I usually did, and we'd exchange eye contact and I'd inch a bit closer, then my friend would leap gracefully through the trees away from me. I'd continue on nearly all the way to the beginning of the road to pick blackberries.Nothing like some blackberries toasty warm from the sun for a breakfast!
We'd often go to Lake Dale for the day, which is a small "resort" with a little lake.We loved to swim there, and the memories of the stinking port a potties and the long walk back to our land in the afternoon sun are still very vivid.One summer I'd been reading about Pocahontas a lot, and I decided to get in a canoe and paddle myself around.Well myself at that time was a very skinny and frail dreamer, so of course the canoe drifted into the cat tails on a far edge of the lake.My embarrassed mother had to borrow a kayak and rescue me.
When I was towards the middle of high school my parents finally realized their dream of building a house there.It took more than a year, and we became good friends with the eccentric Irish builder,Declan, and his father in law,Ted, also a builder and carpenter.Declan is truly a bohemian person, and we always have a very long discussion and barrels upon barrels of laughs with him.He is constantly playing some unique music in his cumbersome green van, and is just as curious about artists and off beat literature as I am.
Ted meanwhile is very shy, but very charming and sweet.I came back to the house one summer and found a book missing, so I went to Serendipity (more later on this gem) and found another copy.Turns out Ted had borrowed it, and he shyly gave it to me the next time I saw him.I wrote a nice missive in the cover and gave it right back to him.He is a gentle person with a merry side you have to dig to find.
Serendipity is another aspect of the island I will always cherish.It is a fantastic used book store housed in the bottom floor of a small Victorian house.I have spent hours here ever since I can remember.I often go into town with my parents, and delve into the rooms for 3 or so hours, until a slightly anxious face finds me and asks if I want a ride,or to walk the five miles back in the dark.There is a small potbellied stove, but alas the resident Persian cat died a few years ago.This the bookstore I grew up with , much more fulfilling and dear then the Borders and Barnes and Nobles in every socket these days.
San Juan in the summer, if you come late enough, is a dream.The air is warm yet cool, usually in the 60s up to the low 80s (0ne summer it was up to 90 which is rare). The sun is warm but make sure to have a fleece on hand, because the goose bumps come easily in the shade.Many birds fly and the fawns are out feeding with their mothers.In Friday Harbor there is the farmer's market every Saturday in the summer from 10 to 1 in the parking lot by the courthouse. Kittens and rabbits make scarce sightings for adoption,but the produce,honey,bread,flowers,and local craftsmen always are constant and refreshing.
This is making me miss the island very intensely.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I love...

BATHS! I love to take baths.In fact I actively loathe showers.I remember being bored one day in high school and telling people I didn't take a shower regularly.Disgust.I didn't care.
But there is something about a lavender or vanilla or pomegranate scented bath.Not too hot, but enough so that you get very relaxed.I love to light incense at the same time.I found this great kind called Nokiba,from Japan.It is a little musky, a little woodsy and smokey.No jasmine or sandalwood for me thank you! So now my bathroom smells really nice.I tend to take a bath right before I got to sleep.It really helps you wind down and remove stress.I've never been to a sauna but the whole concept seems weird to me.Sitting in a hot room with other people and sweating.Reminds me of that Friends episode...well can you believe it..I CANNOT FIND IT! grr
anyway, Chandler goes to a sauna with his father in law and sits on someone's lap.Cannot recall whose lap it was though! 
well I look forward to my nightly bath.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Panic in my head!!!

Ok so last night as I was trying to get to sleep, all of a sudden I remembered that I had forgotten to retrieve my oil panting of the opihi shell from my studio room on campus.How stupid! The professor gave it an A and liked it so much that she wanted to show it to some classes and hang on to it for a day.Well I panicked in my bed,ruining my whole concept of keeping the bed room quiet and calm and only for sleep.I can't believe I forgot it!I rushed out of the bed and sent a frantic email to the professor.It took me a long time to get to sleep.I was awoken yet again by the cat prowling around my window wanting to be fed.Then I heard the garbage truck.In a true homage to my mother and her days of rushing out with the trash in her long billowing nightgown in our Seattle days, I rushed out in my sleep attire: old green sweater with pastel colored cotton thermal top and bright red fleece pants.I missed it! But before that I had to break up a cat brawl (always started by the mean neurotic one who howls for food endlessly ) with a mug of water. 
That over with, I have my morning digestive cleaning aid which my cousin does too: squirting part of a lemon in tepid water.After that I scurry over to the computer, quite sure that my professor will not check the computer for 3 days like most art professors seem to do.But I am wrong! 
Dear Tajna, it ran, something along the terse lines of , I asked to borrow your work for some time and I have it in my office.
WHEW!
RELIEF!
Boy do I get over excited like my parents.....

Thursday, February 11, 2010

A Long Chat


A long chat on the phone would be nice right now.I love to talk on the phone when I'm getting all snuggled into me bed.I am relaxed and winding out...but then things always pop into my mind in the most random way.I haven't had a bed chat in a LONG time.Much too long.It's windy now, so nice.It was only 60 yesterday morning,which is so exciting for me.I wish it'd stay that cool all day long..but hey that's a bit much to ask of the tropics, right? sheesh!
I wanted to get edamame today,but I never eat them.There's still a bag of them sitting in the freezer.Pathetic! I tend not to eat much sometimes.I had crunchy cereal for breakfast, a smoothie and then fried garbanzo beans with broccoli and avocado for lunch...and I wasn't that hungry for dinner.I just had some rye bread with Earth Balance.Dinner is supposed to be your smallest meal anyway folks,if you follow your Ayurvedic dosha.I do a little bit.No beans on toast for my dinner.It reminds me how BAD and expensive British food is.Not to offend any of you...but it IS.Puddings,tarts,baked potatoes, I mean where are the fruit and veg? But I do like the stores there. Not as much as the Natuur Winkel in the Netherlands though.mmmm what a tea selection! 
I got some incense today and (more vital) an incense holder thing.FINALLY. I like to burn it while I take a bath.
SHOOT! I just remembered my midterm tomorrow.I didn't review enough.But I'm not going to stay up late and cram.I'll bet there are at least 4 classmates doing that now! No no I'll just do a light bit of it tomorrow morning after yoga.Yes yes.I realized early on that cramming is my enemy.I try to keep up with my studying but if I don't,I start reviewing a week before the exam/test/midterm.This time I forgot.I was busy devouring a book on the beyuls.And art history you really cannot rush.Either you know it or you don't.I had a quiz in this class on Monday,a slide id quiz.First let me emphasize I've never studied Asian art before.I'm all steeped in Renaissance and tribal art! So it's a huge change for me.It's really a lot harder to tell styles and regions apart...like if you line up people from China,Korea,Japan,Thailand and Malaysia.It puts you in a pickle
So I should really get to sleep.Get to my anxiously waiting Water Pik,Vladimir.But I'm on a writing roll here,oh dear! Vladimir reminds me of Nosferatou for some reason.Which reminds me how damn slow Netflix is.How does something take 3 days to get from the city to where I live? Because it's the locals who work there! 
What would I like? This it what I would like, if I could do go through with all my decisions all of a sudden:
-drop out of UH, switch to Evergreen or UW
-build up a writing/art portfolio and get an income from that
-after all that, when I actually have more than 4 digits in my account, go on a belated trip to Scotland,Paris,St.Petersburg and Switzerland...ending up in Croatia for at least 3 months
-have to settle somewhere after that ....maybe in Seattle or Croatia
-be in a place and a situation where I don't have to depend on a city for the things that most of us do
-have an Abyssinian cat companion 
-live in a way using as little man made resources and electricity as possible.
But for now, I have to get to sleep!

Sometimes I feel...

Maybe some of you know I was really into fashion, especially a few years ago.I'm still up to date on it,but more and more less enamored,especially the last few years.Suicides, eating disorders, bankruptcy, all kinds of things.That industry is not a happy friendly place.Maybe there are happy friendly people in it.But I'm sad today because the maestro designer Lee McQueen (aka Alexander McQueen) hung himself.I just cannot imagine what it must be like for his partner (husband?) and his family.It made me very unhappy,sad and questioning that so many people have decided to end their lives.Very much so.That's about it.I have been depressed myself but suicide...that is really something else.I wish people would find help.Or others would take the hints and prevent these untimely deaths.It is never too late to help.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Scary Technology


I got a Water Pik today.It's scary.It vibrates a lot and shoots out water at me.But at least I don't have to floss now.I feel like squirting geckos with it...the sound bothers me the most..a nice metallic grunting noise which resembles a cow.
This shall be fun!

A Morning Walk


This morning a long, 3 mile was had. In the sun, with a hat and sunglasses and sunblock.The great feeling of limbs tired from exercise.Need to do this more often.So many finches and herons and dogs.oh it feels so good! a nice little trace of a head wind out there too.I  used to run it up to 5 days a week but my knees said no more.I will certainly not deprive myself of the good workout any more...
happy sigh

Friday, February 5, 2010

Sick Day


There is one day a year (sometimes more) when you feel sick,have an odd feeling in your throat, feel under the weather,like a bulldozer had fun with you for hours.Well today's that day.My first day of missing class this semester.I HATE to miss class.But when you need to rest,you must do so.It's raining and cloudy,so I'll keep my sweats on drinking tea,studying and doing yoga.I had my Throat Coat tea.
now to rest...hugs are welcome
oh I thought I'd talk about something funny...my scarf collection! I guess the appeal of scarves to me are that you can wear them when you travel.Not so much where I live.But I love them.The textures,new ways of winding them around your neck.It's just fun.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Places I'd Take Someone






I would take someone very special to these places...
first on my list is Velo Grablje,Hvar,Croatia.Also the town of Hvar...fantastic swimming as well as my family,amazing produce,and slippery limestone streets.
Next up is Scotland, a very dear place to me.It is so mystical and spiritual and apart from the scary roads,I feel at home there.
Of course there is San Juan Island and Seattle and the Northwest Cascades National Park, and one other special place is London, for the person whom I am writing this towards loves urban stimulation.

What It's Like To Be Me


I had a request to write like what it's like to be me (using a very different description than I would use for myself).I would characterize myself as a classic vata, if you are familiar with Ayurvedic  doshas.Vatas are winter creatures, the most sensitive, have dry skin (right now my hand is bothering me), passionate, in tune with nature, have a petite frame, and creative.I do thrive in this "winter" climate of low 60s, it's not so fun to live in a tropical climate where you sweat 9 months out of the year.I love to create things, cartoons,watercolor paintings,crocheting,ideas and desgins.But I am perpetually shy and self conscious.I think a lot of that has to do with my name, which is actually the Croatian word for "secret."Maybe I believe in it more than is needed.I've always felt different my whole life, even when I was 4 years old and would sit on the swings by myself.I was never interested in being part of the loud gaggle of kids playing, I wanted  to read and draw and dig for earth worms.
As I've gotten older, I've met more people who are similar to me.We are very in tune with lunar cycles, literature, spirituality, yoga, and all the things I kind of hid.I have been finding more and more clues about that past life before mine as human, which was some sort of big cat (probably jaguar).Indeed I do relate to cats very well,except for the killing of birds.
well my hands are cold,my tea is waiting, have to eat and make lunch,shower and dress and get on the move to a painting class.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Yogis are not disposable


So a few weeks ago we YMCA yogis heard that we'd have class in another room.This room is where I went to child care years ago.This room has only one tiny louvered window.This room is only about 10x12 feet.
WHAT IS GOING ON IN KAIPO'S MIND,THINKING THAT WE CAN DO YOGA IN THERE?!
Well we somehow managed.But we had no space,it was so hot, we were jammed next to each other ..and Pam found a dead frog in the corner.
See Kaipo is on the Zumba bandwagon.More and more people are signing up for Zumba..although I have no clue why.It is the most arduous and irritating thing in exercise existence.So she thinks that shoving us yogis out is ok, and not to shove the Zumbis out? Yes Kaipo we know you are under a lot of pressure...but she should take the class in that room and see for herself.There is no way it would pass any codes or regulations.
But the main point is that YOGIS ARE NOT DISPOSABLE.Yoga,unlike Zumba, is not some fad exercise.It is a way of life.It is more than asanas and ujayyu breathing.If Kaipo even realized that, I'm sure her motives would be totally different.
Time for tea and to calm down...but seriously, this is such a joke and really has me and my fellow yogis feeling insulted.

a secret twin


Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a twin? I have recently.A secret one though.One who could sub for me in that dreadful painting class.They say that twins are the closest of people.I think it'd be kind of weird to have another one of me walking around.But then the twin could do all my studying and cleaning and job hunting for me and just fill me in on the obligatory.
I like how different my blog is.I don't write about clothes non stop like others do.I don't find clothes that inspiring.It's the inspiration that I am more interested in.Daffodils, tulips,mountains,Freud, machines,frogs...for me the inspiration is usually cats or nature. I've always found untouched nature to be so inspiring,maybe because I grew up camping.Then again so did my sister,and she's not exactly a nature enthusiast.
So here is my ideal twin...

Monday, February 1, 2010

Grouchy PMS ranting


I want to feel like this...I miss you snow!
I want chocolate ANYTHING
why do I have to paint with oils for three hours? and why does there have to be a strategically placed clock allowing me to count minutes one by one?
I want my own shuttle to UH and back, with free hot ginger and licorice tea whenever I want
Why is the mold still all over all the books I want at UH?
Why can't I be a cat YET? 
I cannot wait to go to sleep
Why did my mom take my lunch?
Why are there whole leaves of cloves in the samosas today?
Why do we have to sweat?
Why do the tropics have to exist?
Why do airplanes have to run on fossil fuels?
one last one...
Why am I complaining?!

No Computer Day !

 decided to have a no computer day.Usually I check the weather several times,look at Grassy's blog,blah blah blah after that.But it was a beautiful peaceful day without it.Now I am so tired and kind of grumpy.All the birds are gathering outside and waking up and trying to get me in a good mood.The moon was out and really luminous and big.I finished my book on the beyuls and Tsangpo gorge yesterday.That means finding a new book,hooray! except so much of the books I want are having mold removed from them.That makes me grouchy.I mean,what do you expect in a tropical climate? la di di da!
time to finish my tea and put all that cereal back I didn't eat.Also steam broccoli.
A long day awaits, and yoga awaits me when I get home